I am not consistent with my meditation and I am trying to get myself to be that way. My goal is to meditate every day for at least 15 minutes, but I try to aim for 20 minutes. It doesn’t always work out because I may find myself more distracted some days than others. I’m going to describe my experience meditating this morning.
I sit in my room facing the window where the sunlight is shining through. I put on some meditative drum beats. I usually try to keep my eyes open for a little while, but today I had a very hard time opening them. It was a struggle so I just let them sit closed. My mind was pretty quiet for the most part, which is unusual for me. With eyes closed I see colors. Reds, oranges, and yellows (coming from the sun lights energy beaming through the window) are swirling around making different blends, shapes, varying opaqueness. I feel myself slipping into the deep red colors. It starts getting really dark, almost like an abyss. Then I see myself slipping up into this bright light. It’s white. I can’t actually get into the white like I did the red. I tried to follow the white, but I wasn’t allowed to slip into it like I could with the deep reds. I felt as if I had managed to almost slip in and a wave of emotions swirled up, I wanted to cry, but it was for one second and then I fell out of the white back into the swirls of reds, oranges, and yellows. I could still see the white though. The rhythm of the drum felt more intense at this point. I was still aware of my surroundings. I could still clearly hear my daughter running around, sitting next to me or on me, but my mind was slipping into this unusual place I had never felt before. I felt as though my eyes were open. I felt as though I was blinking and my eyes were open looking into these swirls of colors. It was only my mind though. I never felt physically there, only mentally and perhaps spiritually. With my eyes open there were flashes of images between the colors. I couldn’t make them out at all. They were so quick. I felt myself slipping into this realm, but for whatever reason I slowed down and never made it into this dimension in my mind. As soon as I slowed down I emerged above the white into a light blue swirl of colors. I still hadn’t gone through the white, which might mean some sort of rebirth or purification, but I somehow found myself above it in the calming swirl of the ocean (it didn’t look like the ocean, but because the blues are strongly associated with water that’s probably why I felt that way).
I am not sure what it means or if it means anything at all. Todays meditation was a bit more intense than it usually is and that’s why I wanted to write about it.
Just one more quick note that is totally unrelated to meditating: Metanoia (my band) got our old bass player (who is amazing) back in the band and I am so stoked to rehearse with him and have him back. I feel Metanoia reaching new heights this next year.
I hope you all remember to remain balanced. We are not only physical and mental, but we are spiritual beings and we need to take time to care and love each part of ourselves to remain healthy and balanced. The better you take care of yourself the better you will feel and you will experience things in new and exciting ways as you evolve yourself in a mental and spiritual way. Speak to you all soon!
-Cristina
Cristina's Constellation 