When did I become an anarchist? It wasn’t an overnight revelation. It wasn’t even over a period of a few months. This evolution of thought came over the course of a few years, to be honest. In high school I was friends with the “conspiracy theorists”. We believed all sorts of weird things, like Paul McCartney not being the “original” Paul because that Paul actually died in a car accident, blahblahblah. As kids, we were intrigued, maybe obsessed with the idea that there is information out there being hidden from us. We wanted to know about all of it. What was it? Why were they hiding? It was like a treasure hunt. We talked about 9/11 conspiracies and the New World Order. We knew about the Federal Reserve and the consistent corruption being played out by the government entities across the globe. Although, I knew about these things, my brain had only begun to churn for answers. I was searching and often I felt hopeless. I felt that nothing could be done.
Then Ron Paul came into the picture. Everyone I knew was raving about him. He was going to be our hero, our savior. He spoke a lot of truths and he really was different from everyone else. I still had this mentality that the government could be saved. We could fix the problem, but we needed the right guy to do it. We thought Ron Paul could be that guy. As we all know, he didn’t get nominated, but even if he had, would it have made that much of a difference? At this point it’s highly doubtful.
These high school days are what I consider to be the beginnings of my anarchistic journey. I didn’t know anything about anarchist philosophy or about the term anarchy itself. I had preconceived ideas about what anarchy was, just like the general public does. It was chaos. It was destruction. It was silly and naive, but my views on what an ideal world looked like continued to evolve and gradually merged with the philosophy of anarchy.
Over the course of the next few years I stopped thinking so critically about a lot of these ideas because I was a busy college student and then a busy wife and mother. I had a lot of events occur that took my focus off of finding freedom and truth. When I had my daughter in 2011, I truly began to awaken. Around 2012 I began looking for solutions. I became obsessed with the current condition of our food supply. I realized that my daughter would be eating this food filled with poisons and that those foods could be the source of diseases and cancers that she could develop later in life. It could hinder her thought process, her body, her well being, and I couldn’t sit by and continue to accept that fact. I had to change. So I started learning about food and how important it was to sustaining our bodies, minds, and even spirits. I became a vegan and started feeding my daughter accordingly. I then began attending protests against Monsanto and their GM crops. To the best of my ability, I was trying to fight for change.
The problem was my way of enacting change. I was begging for the government to help me. I was pleading that they would see my sign and realize how important this issue was to me, but they didn’t. They continued on their daily paths without so much as a wave in my direction. Today, the battle against GMO’s is still as relevant as it was a few years ago. People are expending vast amounts of energy on this one single issue. There are literally HUNDREDS of issues that need solving, but because of the way the system is set up we have to ask and ask and ask for what we want until one person decides it might be beneficial to them to help us and even then there is no guarantee that what we want will ever actually make it as a bill to be discussed in congress.
I started feeling overwhelmed. I was thinking about all of the problems I saw with our government. I hated it. I hated that things were out of my control and that I would forever be a slave to their dogmatic ways. How could I ever create a path of freedom for my daughter? How could I ever insure her safety from their chemicals and brainwashing mechanisms? It was all too much and there were many nights where I cried thinking about these issues.
The fight against GMO’s was kind of the beginning of my fight. Although I had already known about a lot of the issues I hadn’t done much to find solutions. Through the eye opening moment of “what can I feed my daughter” I started looking and that led me to the Houston Free Thinkers.
The Houston Free Thinkers (HFT) had been around for a few years before I got involved. I didn’t become consistently involved until the past year or so, but I had taken the initial steps of showing my face around the group and learning what they were about. HFT was (and is) a group based on solutions. They discuss problems and then discuss solutions to fix these problems. It is not a know-all source of information. It is a group of individuals who come together and brainstorm. If we don’t like something then we must do something about it. Not sit and wait until the next round of elections occurs. We have to BE THE CHANGE, like Ghandi once stated.
At this point I still didn’t consider myself an anarchist. I was just someone trying to figure out how to secure the future of my family. I still hadn’t even deeply dived into the subject of anarchy yet. I met with HFT when I could (which was very seldomly at first). That was the most I could do at that moment until one day I decided I needed to make time for this. If I want it to happen now then I need to make time now, not later, now.
So, like a big tumbling ball of chaos, I dropped out of college, left my ex husband (weird), and went on to find this solution for myself and my daughter. I started writing music that expressed my opinions on the war or on the government. I found my voice. I started singing, often. I started writing music, often. I started reading about Voltarine de Cleyre and Emma Goldman. They were saying things I supported! Ideas I agreed with! And they weren’t calling on the State to help them. They were calling on the people. They were raising awareness. They were speaking about the problems. They were trying to get people to hear them and people like Josiah Warren were executing plans to peacefully exit the system. It was amazing. I had been looking for the right answers and here it was! The whole time! No one had ever talked to me about any of these people. No teachers, no friends, no parents, no one! It was as if these people had been mostly hidden from the general public and only those truly looking would find them. But why? Were their ideas too radical? Were they going to cause a disruption of chaos? Violence? Or were they just simply going to put the State out of business by quietly leaving?
From that point on I decided that is what I need to be doing. I need to be active in my words. I need to talk about the issues openly. I want people to hear the other side of things. I want to make people look at the world differently. I want them to question the norm. This is something that I do in my daily interactions with people, in my writings, and in my songs. I speak. The first step to change is making people aware and I realized that is a very simple and easy step to take.
I only recently decided I can accept the label anarchist. For a long while I did not accept it because I was worried of the negative connotations behind the word. Being labeled a conspiracy theorist from the time I was in high school I have always had to deal with preconceived ideas of what I am about. It was only a natural defense for me to reject any other form of negative labels. Anarchy was, in my mind, negative. It stood for violence erupting in the streets. People looting stores. No schools, no roads, no firemen, no police force, no standing military. It stood for criminals running free and raping and murdering innocent civilians. At least, that’s what I was taught it meant by the mainstream media. The more I read about Voltairine, Goldman, Warren, and Konkin, the more I realized that was all a bunch of bullshit fed to me over my entire lifetime to keep me scared of pursuing a different path.
These people were not advocating destruction. They were not advocates of rape, murder, theft, arson, etc. The more I realized this the more I came to accept the label as it was. I am an anarchist. I believe in the freedom to govern yourself as you see fit. I believe in sovereignty of the individual. My goal is to be an example of what anarchy really is, not was it is believed to be. I want to show you what it can look like and that it can be a reality for all of us. We do not have to sit in the matrix. We can exit it. We can liberate ourselves and those around us. It is possible. We can do this without more war. Violence does not need to be involved. I want to show you that it is possible and it can be peaceful. It will be a challenge. It won’t be easy to carve out a new path that diverges from the current one, but I truly believe it will be worth it and I, the anarchist, will be the change I wish to see and I hope that you all will come with me.
A few months ago I was having talk with my closest (and best) friend. We were talking about when we were younger and started experiencing sexual desires. She told me she was in middle school when she began thinking about sexual things and becoming curious. I seem to remember a lot of kids talking about sexual things and I had even heard about kids already having sex in middle school. I guess it had never really dawned on me until this point because I have always been a bit of an outsider, but I didn’t have any sexual desires as a preteen/teenager. I do remember being curious what it might be like to kiss someone, but I was just thinking about a small peck on the lips, not a full on make out which seemed kind of gross to me at that time. My middle school friends thought it was strange when I might seem grossed out about making out or something or the sort. It’s really funny to think about it now because suddenly things make a little more sense.
What I realized when I was talking to my friend was that I was actually a demisexual. A demisexual is someone who must be mentally stimulated in order to possibly desire to experience physical stimulation. Basically, it is absolutely necessary for a demisexual to have an emotional connection before they can develop an intimate connection.
I remember becoming infatuated with some guys in high school because one night we spent hours and hours just talking on the phone. I would feel this emotional connection and then we would “date”. Anywhere from a few days to a week later I would realize I really did not like them in the romantic way and so I would break up with them. It is really silly and it happened quite a few times. I didn’t know what happened. It was nothing they did. Now I realize that I connected to them emotionally for a moment and that is what made me desire them, but then I would realize that connection was maybe just for that moment or wasn’t consistent and so I would get uncomfortable and leave.
Still to this day I do not have sexual desires for just anyone. I absolutely must have a strong bond with them. I definitely see attractive people, but I am not turned on by them whatsoever. Even if I am alone with them, I have no desire to initiate anything or give them any hints to initiate anything.
However, just because I am a demisexual does not mean I am not a sexual person. I am very sexual with a select few over my life. I have a pretty high sex drive and I really love having sex (like most people). The only thing that is special about my case is that I can’t just hook up with people. I have bonds with people and I feel those are very sacred to myself. I truly value those, but if you can turn me on mentally it is pretty simple to get my body going. It really won’t take much.
Are there any other demisexuals reading my blog? When did you realize you were a demisexual? How did you feel when you finally were able to put the pieces together about how your sexuality works?
There is no right or wrong sexuality. Everyone has their own unique brand and twist on it. We are human beings and we exhibit a myriad of sexualities. I do not think more highly of mine versus yours. I think they are all equal and I think everyone should learn to understand theirs and should be proud of what they are. I also think it is very important that we all take time to understand our sexuality. It is a huge part of us and the more you understand about yourself the more you can grow in all directions.
As I have grown in my spirituality and as I have gained more knowledge on the true philosophy of anarchy I have become increasingly aware of the various ways its principles can be applied in my personal life. I am one for consistency. I like to apply my ideals into every way of my being. I strive to be consistent in my word and action. Anarchy represents freedom and allowing freedom to exist is the ultimate expression of love. I believe a single voluntary expression of love is worth more than all the performed acts of love that are expected in the traditional relationships. How exactly can a loving relationship exist in the form of anarchy? I will get to that, but first let me tell you a little bit about my experience with love.
I fell in love in high school. This love was young and new and fresh and exciting. Everything about it was intriguing. I loved the adventure waiting at every bend, but it was naive, like most first loves tend to be. It started out as something exciting and unfolded into this unhealthy dependency and need to control the flow of love that we were giving and receiving. He was “mine” and I was “his”. We fell into what most people fall into and it is a subject not often talked about, the ownership aspect of love. My body was only to be shared and viewed as his. Deep conversations were only to be shared with him because I couldn’t risk feeling intimate towards another person. It would damage our relationship. Everything I did affected him. It was as though we lost our individualities and became one entity. Feeling the same and moving the same and behaving in the same expected ways. The problem was that we desired to cage in this love. We desired to own it, to control it, to suppress it. All of this was done unknowingly, however. We never intended to become this. We never intended to create this, but all the steps we took along the way set us up for disaster.
When love is labeled it suddenly has a list of expectations attached to it. “If you are my boyfriend you need to call me every day or my feelings will get hurt.” These unspoken rules get applied and there’s a whole list of them. Love with an anarchist principle attached to it leaves no rules in place, especially unspoken rules. It is open and honest in its communication to bring complete awareness to the other person/s involved. Instead, that daily call or text becomes totally and completely voluntary. When two people care about each other it is expressed in their movements, their interactions with each other. It is without rules. It is expressed in each fleeting moment of pure freedom.
Love requires freedom. It is necessary to allow it to flow freely between you and the universe. Expectations and guidelines that are placed on love can cause tension and can limit how the love is expressed. Tension will build over time and if it is dealt with appropriately it will not cause too much of a disturbance, but often this tension goes unnoticed until one day a small disagreement becomes a full on argument. Love has no masters. It owns itself. It is not completely controllable. It ebbs and flows and you had to ride the wave or drown. You cannot force it to be a certain way. You cannot force it into a mold that you created. It is nature and mother nature is the truest anarchist of all. Obeying no one she moves as she pleases, ignoring all borders and laws. When love becomes limited, boxed, caged, it loses an essential part of its essence. It loses its freedom and when it loses its freedom it suddenly becomes dull and routine.
My own personal belief about anarchy is that it is the way to happiness not only for myself, but for everyone around me. Every person is free to live the life they choose. It is the ultimate expression of selflessness. Love must be treated this way also. Love must not be for your own sake, but also for the sake of those around you. It is not something you take from someone else, but something you share between you and that other person/s. Instead of trying to control how the situation will play out you just sit back and watch it unfold. Let it unfold organically into its comfortable shape. As it unfolds you sit and appreciate it. You admire it. You love it. If you try to change it then you are making it so it fits your selfish desires first rather than letting it manifest into its own unique energy. This mentality allows your love to flourish at its own rate without judgement or haste. It allows you to realize how beautiful it is at every level. It is selfless. You are there to appreciate the love, not to hoard it, not to control it, not to mold it.
Love is without force. It represents a truly free energy that persists throughout the world. No borders can keep it out. No laws can shut it down. No enemies can blow it up. It is there, it is open, and it is free. It manifests into many different shapes and sizes, each to be appreciated equally. Love is an anarchist, obeying no rulers and following no masters.
Be accepting, understanding, patient, and honest. Even if the honesty hurts, it must be laid out bare naked in the sun. Give your lover the opportunity to see you and all your beauty, but also all your flaws. Give them the option to accept them as is. Do not hide any pieces of yourself. Do not try to control love. Do not try to force it to be a certain way. Do not set it up with limits. Allow it to be the anarchist it really is. Allow it to be voluntary. Allow it to be free. Allow it to be selfless. Remember to be strong, honest, open, and courageous. Be all those adjectives you use to describe love. Be the anarchist that love tends to be. Anarchy and love go hand in hand. Without each other they no longer function. They are essential to each others existences. Anarchy is love, love is anarchy, and anarchy is for the lovers.
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“Anarchism is the idea that there should be no government. In Objectivist terms, this amounts to the view that every man should defend himself by using physical force against others whenever he feels like it, with no objective standards of justice, crime, or proof.”
Anarchy has been misunderstood by a small group of people who spread their misinterpreted knowledge to the masses. It has been repeatedly defined as chaotic, no rules, unsafe, inhumane. This quote was taken from a website dealing with the philosophy of Ayn Rand. There is one major problem with this understanding of anarchy and it is the use of the word force. Anarchy is without force. This does not imply that each community of anarchist do not have their own set or “rules” or one could even say “laws”, in place. It does not say that all the communities of anarchist must obey the same principles or the same ideals. It says that everyone can live the life they see fit and if they see a government like structure as fit they are entitled to do so as long as force is eliminated.
Government has been determined to undermine and outcast the anarchists and any anarchists thought. It is fueled by the necessity to coerce and overpower. It is driven by individuals “just doing their job”. No thoughts, all action. No questions, all comply. Government, in all actuality, is an invisible entity giving orders to the legs and arms of government, i.e. the police force, judiciary system, education system, etc. They need the people to fear them and do as they say in order to maintain control. If the people get the faintest idea that they can rule themselves, that they are capable of setting up a system that benefits them, the government will be out of business. Over the centuries anarchists have been painted in a negative light. Portrayed as evil, sinister, lawless murderers who crave the taste of blood and war. It is funny because that seems to be exactly what they are, not what we, the anarchists are. Anarchism is not chaos or the rejection of organization. It does not promote murderous activities, theft, violence of any sort. There are all sorts of sub genres of anarchism, but what can be said about all of them is that they promote self ownership.
Government is a selfish institution made up of egocentric and apathetic individuals. Government was set up to self serve a small group of individuals. It was a way to achieve power and control. It was not set up to help the poor. It was not set up to help the business owner. It was not set up to educate the children. It was set up as a device to initiate the complete ownership of thousands and millions of people. It was setup to use individuals as pawns in their game to gain control of the entire world. The United States has been involved in some war since the beginning of its development as a country. Prior to that England was involved in taking over land and entire countries, as well. Anarchists, or anarchist thought of some sort, has been present since Lao Tzu’s time (around 500 BC). Basically since the existence of states, or some sort of hierarchical power has been present there have been anarchist ideas present and that alone was and remains a threat to the stability of the government’s existence, past and present. If everyone ceased to comply government would cease to exist and with an entity desiring to gain complete ownership of the world, it’s people and it’s resources, anarchy is a direct threat.
Government only desires it’s own agenda. It has no room for the hopes and dreams of others. It has no room to bend and grow with the population. It is stagnant and it is selfish. Only wishing to carry out deeds that benefits it and no one else. Anarchy, on the other hand, is a selfless path of existence.
Anarchy is without force, without violence. It is a free system in which free individuals decide what path suits their personal needs best. Anarchy does not desire to own or control people, much less entire countries. Anarchy will not create wars. It will not dislocate millions from their homes. It will not force individuals to pay taxes and fund activities they do not support. It does not force your neighbor to believe and support everything you believe and support. It allows each and every individual to be. It is truly selfless.
Anarchy will not provide the roads, it will not provide the school systems, it will not provide a police force in the same way that is present in our current society. Communities will develop their own unique methods of these services the city provides for them. It will create a diverse market in which each person will have the ability to choose, not be forced to accept. School programs will be able to diversify and include topics of importance. It will have the freedom to exclude standardized testing and the teachers will finally be able to teach. Corrupt law enforcement can be abandoned and newer models will come into play. Government officials that are supposed to represent the needs of thousands of people will be eliminated and individuals can either represent themselves or choose someone to represent their community, but because everything will be on a smaller scale the needs and desires of each person in the community will actually be heard and cared for.
If we as one people, care about each other as individuals, we will accept them to exist with their hopes and dreams even if they differ from our own. We will learn to accept each other and love each other. We will learn what it is to be a community. We are capable. We are powerful. We can set not only ourselves, but every person free through anarchy. This is what I choose. This is what I believe to be right. I hope you will take this step of faith towards a more positive direction with me.