Flowing Waters

I am such an emotional person. Because of my extreme emotional personality I am extremely passionate, which can sometimes be viewed as obsessions. When I get into something, whether its a subject I am studying, music I am listening to, food I am eating, or friends, I can become obsessed and maybe easily addicted to things that are good. Its not that anything is harmful or detrimental to my being, although I could have gone down that path, I just knew to stay away from negative addictions because I saw how badly they affected the lives of both my parents.

Anyways, what I am saying is I am a very emotional being. I become wrapped up and when I love I love without hesitations. It doesn’t mean I am not scared of my emotions because sometimes (when it pertains to love particularly) I am terrified. I can see and feel myself experiencing emotions that are intense and powerful and I can feel my natural rhythm to embrace and flow with it is sometimes unstoppable. Sometimes I am just watching my emotions unfold and bathe those around me and maybe I don’t necessarily (from a logically standpoint) want to. Sometimes I want to not do that because my heart is sensitive and I have had to learn from an early age to be more protective of it. I have also had to learn to “tame” the flow of my emotions to prevent a dangerous flood of emotions that will drown not only the other person, but myself too.

I am scared because I will deal with my emotions alone. Like I always have, but I feel better when there is someone there tat understands my emotions and isn’t afraid of experiencing them because I am afraid of experiencing them myself but I am forced to be brave because I live inside myself. Others can choose to leave or shut down or hide and maybe that feels good to them, but it makes me suck every drop of water I was pouring back up into myself. Its like a flurry of energies that suddenly get halted and I have to use everything I can to pull the waves back into the container that is my body. It usually makes me feel uncomfortable when I have to do that because water doesn’t like to be in a container. It likes to flow and create new paths and cut through mountains. It is patient and can gently carve masterpieces out of the rugged stones, but that is what it does. It is free and moves as it pleases. It ebbs and flows. So sometimes when I feel all my energy being sucked into myself it feels uncomfortable because I don’t think I even have enough space inside of my body to contain the amount of water energies that I have in my essence.

I am scared though. I am easily hurt. I just don’t know if I can handle any more emotional pain, whether big or small.

Flowing Waters